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We are living in a time when sex is nothing scary. It’s so normal that there is no longer an age limit. Relationships are said to flourish if one is good in bed. A good man is one who knows his way around his woman’s body. As young ladies we rate our boyfriends based on how good they are in bed. I hear my peers talking amongst themselves saying how, ‘Jemo ni mdomo tu kumbe huku chini yeye si kitu.’ And we laugh, hi- five and conclude Jemo si kitu.

Our male counterparts take pride in the size of their manhood or the number of girls they have slept with. And so we talk about body count and not character. We talk about the physical and not the inner beauty.

That’s why teens like me, can’t talk about virginity like it’s a good thing. People like me, don’t fit into discussions that involve sex because ‘we know nothing’. The world terms us ignorant. Our friends say we are inexperienced. The boys call us ‘Holy Mary’ and when they finally have sex with us, it is like they have won a gold medal.

You will hear one guy say, ‘I am the man who tasted it first’. Often with no shame or regard for what the lady feels.

In my time, virginity is something of the past. We are living by the simple rule of ‘do as thou pleases, sex is pleasant is it not?’

But here is why I don’t have sex though. It’s because I don’t want to leave my virtue in every other man. I want to leave my identity in ‘The Man’ and I am in no hurry whatsoever to find him.

While sex is the in-thing in my generation, I have set principles for myself as a young woman and as high as they may be, I try to live by them.

If you are another teenager in the same spot, don’t fall for the hype. Be you. Be that awesome virgin. Hold your head high and never shy off from saying that you are a virgin.

What if you’ve had sex already? What if the guilt of it is tearing you down? You can still wipe your tears. Let go, 
forgive yourself, 
begin again and reclaim your second virginity.

In the words of Sadhguru, “There is a certain time to grow and time to live. [But] If you leave too early you will not grow…’

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